ME vs BUGS

So help me Hannah, if one more maple bug even so much as touches me I'm going to ...

I'm going to ...

Well, I'm going to cringe, shudder with revulsion, and shoo it away as fast as I can, that's what I'm going to do!  Just like the thousand other times they've touched me this fall.

You think I exaggerate.  I do not exaggerate.  A thousand is probably low-balling it.

I'm not a scaredy-cat.  I'm made of pretty tough stuff, actually.  There was a time when I waited for my knight in shining armor to save me from life's terrors but I have become much more self reliant.  I can dispatch a garter snake if I find one too close to my house and I have mastered setting and emptying mouse traps all by myself.  A year ago I got myself a self propelled mouse trap with its own disposal unit built right in - he's the best thing since sliced bread.

Not to damage the Knight's ego I still let him deal with skunks though.  Can't have him feeling like he's not needed.

But that still leaves me battling the insect kingdom.  This time of year it's a full time job.

Wood tick season was short.  Don't know what was up with that - maybe the species is dying out?  Hope springs eternal.

The summer was so dry mosquitoes weren't much of a problem.  They were not missed.

The grandchildren came for visits and in time honored grandchild tradition held the doors open for what seemed like hours at a time.  The little darlings went home and I eventually got the fly population down to pre visit numbers.

The odd bee always finds his way into the house. I have no idea where they come from but I do my best to do 'catch and release' with them.  I know we need them to feed the world.

Then came fall and I picked my tomatoes.  As per usual tiny fruit flies followed them in and infested the house.  I set up a pop bottle/stale beer trap.  At least they die happy.

Next, the barn fly population took a look at their tiny little watches and realized they were supposed to be moving in for canning season.  Instantly the windows and doors were covered with the free loading buggers.  I honestly have no clue where those icky, yucky, squishy striped flies come from but they now outnumber the regular flies two to one.  I loath them all with equal passion.

I wish I could say that was the end of it, but oh no, there were still the maple bugs to come.  I would rather deal with spiders. 

All decked out in red and black and creeping forward in their slow, insidious, mindless march they have infiltrated my house.  Google says they are looking for a warm place to bunk down for the winter.  I say they invade my personal space with the single purpose of grossing me out.  Google also says they are harmless.  Google hasn't seen what happens when a maple bug lands stealthily on my shirt and then makes its way up to my collar.  I tell you, what happens when I feel something that big crawling up my neck, well it's NOT harmless.

I know it's a lovely fall.  I agree that still having flowers in bloom in October is something to enjoy.  I also wish it would snow.  Like a ton.  Maybe three tons.  Just to make those creepy bugs go away

Until then my weapon of choice never leaves my side.  The guy who invented the vacuum cleaner is my hero.