SIGNS OF A DESPERATE WOMAN

To the guy who drove by yesterday and witnessed me shovelling off the trampoline – don’t worry about me.  I’m fine. Really. I realize not everyone shovels off their trampoline but I needed an outside job that was doable. I figured I could handle an approximately 250 square foot surface so I grabbed a shovel and went to work.  At this point I will do anything just to be outside and accomplishing something.

I was wrong, by the way. It wasn’t doable – not in one go, anyway.  That snow weighs a ton and a wet trampoline is pretty slippery.

This time of year I am supposed to be sun burned or wind burned or both, having spent several days out cleaning up the yard and checking for asparagus and other perennials.  On any other year my Fitbit would be patting me on the back for all the steps I had racked up back and forth to my greenhouse and around the yard.  This year I do find myself pacing an indoor circuit, wandering from window to window, staring out at the never-ending winter and sighing in frustration.  My Fitbit languishes on the dresser, having given up the will to live.

By the way, in doing this I have discovered that all of my windows are dirty but I’m not that desperate for something to do.

Today I ventured out to take down the one last Christmas bow Mother Nature couldn’t rip from the house in her last hissy fit, and then went around picking up the ones she did manage to wreck.  From there I went on to annoy the dog and hauled his winter collection of bones over to the Loraas bin.  On my way back I re-opened the river channel that runs through our yard.  Spring runoff #2 is building pressure and the weather gal is promising a fast melt in the coming days.  There is a raft out there somewhere, under a snowbank where it was parked at the end of First Spring.

I’m contemplating filling the hummingbird feeders.  It’s hard to believe that they have shown up this early other years.  On the one hand I can’t picture them here as the same time as we have snow.  On the other hand, if they were to arrive this week they would be in great need of sugar water.  That would be a first – taking down Christmas decorations and putting up the bird feeders on the same day.

Not that all of the Christmas lights are down, but access to some of them is through water higher than my rubber boots.  They can wait.

I did take in the reflective markers off the edge of the driveway.  Surely there won’t be another storm where the guy clearing the snow needs to know where the road ends and the lawn starts? 

I know.  I know.  I probably jinxed it.

I just thought of another outside job that needs done.  I’m going to wash the windows on my car.  Just the windows though.  I literally can’t see out the side windows when I come to a corner. Given the mud situation out there to wash the whole vehicle is pointless, but it would be nice not to die at an intersection.

Maybe the guy who saw me shovelling the trampoline will spot me doing something a little more sensible today and take me off his Crazy Lady list.

 IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?

 

I sit here, the morning of April 22, 2022, awaiting yet another winter storm.  This has been going on for so long that my sense of reality is starting to slip.  I know that people around the world perceive Canada as the land of perpetual winter, but up until recently I thought I knew better.  We DO have distinct other seasons!  We DO have spring!  We DO have summer!  And we DO have my very favourite, autumn!  Winter is just one of four.

This year though, it seems that Mother Nature has other ideas. 

Did she just realize that all those prayers to fill up the dugouts were on back order and needed to be taken care of?  Is green not the ‘in’ colour for 2022?  Is she testing the survival instincts of all the poor birds who flew north expecting warm temperatures and available food?  Was the internet running short of stuck tractor pictures? Did Old Man Winter dare her to do it one more time?  Is she off her meds?

 I’m not sure that this eternal winter would be so painful if my Facebook memories weren’t full of years when April actually featured spring-like conditions.  Apparently six years ago I was installing a rock pathway/border around a flower bed and we were putting metal roofing on the quonset.   On numerous years the snow banks – even the ones in the trees – were gone.  Regular spring jobs were getting done: the lawnmower was being serviced, gardens were being tilled, outdoor Christmas decorations were being put away.

So far in 2022 none of these things have happened.  Not only are the snow banks still here, but they are being refurbished on a regular basis.  There was a short period of time when some of my gardens were visible, but only in the form of frozen mud.  The driveway has had to be cleared twice since we thought winter was over – and in all probability it will need it again once Mother Nature is over this next hissy fit.

I know this is slightly out of character for me, but I’m crying “uncle” here.  I want this nonsense to stop.  This is me saying ‘enough already!’

Prairie people are a little weather crazy.  We are not ones to shy away from the forces of nature.  We know our skies are big, our spaces immense, our weather extreme.  We bond over weather stories.  It’s the first topic of conversation when we meet each other.  I would wager that we possess, consult, and rely on more weather apps than anyone else on the planet.  Our whole mentality is to know how to survive (and then brag about) all weather adversity.  We are the ones who shake our fists at the sky after a hail storm flattens our crops and gardens and yell “Is that all you got?”  (I did mention we were crazy, didn’t I?)

This time though, Mother Nature seems to be using a new tactic.  We have proved we can handle the flash-in-the-pan power of summer storms, the crazy trampoline-wrecking winds, the baseball sized hail, and the stay-off-the-roads blizzards, so she has decided to wear us down with boring repetition.  How many spring blizzards is this in a row?  I’ve lost count.

I’ve even noticed that the weather forecasters, people known for their enthusiasm and hype of storm systems, are down-playing this next one.  Except for slightly warmer temperatures and therefore a higher potential for rain in some areas, this storm is every bit as bad as the last one – worse considering the winds are supposed to be higher – and yet instead of billing it as the once-in-30-years storm their comments are all low key.  It’s like they’ve heard what happens to the messenger and are trying to distance themselves.

But, the storm is headed this way all the same, and there’s really nothing to do.  We can’t stop it and all the preparations we did last week are all still in place. 

We are left with a “Bring it on!” attitude and the sincere hope that this one will get winter out of her system.

 TO SOOTHE MY FRAZZLED NERVES

Sooooo, the last time we talked I was waiting for my new computer to arrive.  As you might recall I was mourning having to lay the old girl to rest and feeling some trepidation about my future.  At the time I anticipated the transition was going to take place the very next day but it was a full week later before it arrived and I had the time to make the big change over.  First it didn’t get delivered when and how I expected, and then I had grandkids here all weekend.  I’m a one-thing-at-a-time kind of girl.  The ten-year-old grandson sure wanted to get right down to business and set everything up for me; in retrospect maybe I should have gone that route.

But, I didn’t.  I waited until Monday morning, and armed with an extra strong mug of coffee, made my way to my office to do one final check through what I had saved to external drives to make sure I had everything ready to move over from the old gal to the shiny new one.  It was a ‘go’.

I’m going to take a moment here to speak of my ancestral heritage.  I’m mostly Scottish.  The many things that this entails are: I have fair skin and blue eyes, I’m comfortable in a cooler climate, I love the sound of bagpipes, and I’m not one to throw my money around willy-nilly.  On the one hand, I will buy what I need and not scrimp on the basics; on the other hand, I’m pretty particulars what these basics are.

Hence, I purchased only the tower, mouse, and keyboard.  I didn’t need a new monitor.  My old one was just fine, thank you very much.

Except, when I hooked the new 2022 computer to the 2010 (or earlier, who knows?) monitor they would say “hi” to each other and then shut down.  No matter how many times I wiggled the plugs and double checked the ports it kept happening. Call #1 to someone who knows more than me resulted in the advice to “go buy a new monitor Jocelyn”.  So I did.

You know what?  They really don’t cost that much.  Their price is really minor … and I found out that the new ones are much easier on the eyes.  I wish I would have known that last year; I could have saved myself some serious eyestrain.  Maybe I don’t need new glasses after all.

Home I went with my new piece of the computer puzzle and hooked it up … to have the same thing happen all over again.  The computer and the monitor would acknowledge each other and shut down.  What did this mean?  Was my new computer a dud?  Time to place call #2 to someone else who knows more than me.  Luckily he was on a day off and happily said “Do you want me to come out to the farm, Mom?” His father (who knows zero about computers) just laughed when he saw the car pull into the yard and said “You had to call in the big guns, eh?”  No matter, he works for food.

And he was barely here long enough to rate a plain hamburger.  He took one look at the power bar, asked me what century it was from, plugged the computer into a different circuit than the monitor and we were instantly in business.  They would actually converse with each other … but the power bar still seemed to disapprove of what it was being asked to do.  It sounded like there was a switch that kept trying to flip.  I was told “Turn that sucker off and go get a new one!”  So I did.

I wish I could say that this cured all my woes, but no, it only solved that problem.

Once I had that new piece of the puzzle installed everything worked perfectly … until I tried to get my email.  The computer struggled to find Sasktel and dragged its feet to retrieve anything for me.  Of course everything about this computer looks different so I’m not even sure I’m doing things right.  Is it me?  Is it the computer?  Or, is it the Internet? Call #3 goes to yet another person who knows more than me – Sasktel troubleshooting.  I feel kind of sheepish about this one.  Somewhere in the past I have been given the same instructions: “Unplug your modem and wait 5 minutes, then plug it back in again.”  He tells me that a person should do this maybe twice per year … some kind of reset … maybe now that I’ve written it down I will remember.

So, that’s it, right?  Nothing else can go wrong, right?  Not so fast.

Remember when I said I had everything I wanted saved to memory sticks?  Well, I thought I did.  All my pictures are there.  Two large single files are there.  But, two other multiple files show up as empty.  I need them.  I want them on this computer.  I know where they are – they are on the old computer.  I merely have to unhook the new computer/mouse/keyboard and hook up the old computer/mouse/keyboard and retrieve them … and then reverse the hook up again.  Minor inconvenience, right?  I don’t even have to call anyone, I can do this on my own.

But, to tell you the truth, I’m feeling a bit stressed.  All I want to do is something relaxing.  Something that just feels natural to me, so I’m writing.  The keyboard feels different, the screen is doing strange new things, and I have no idea how I’m going to save this to copy and paste on my blog page, but that is my next challenge.

If you’re reading this it all turned out fine.  If you’re not I’ve got a date with a wine bottle