UNWANTED RENEWAL

We seem to be going through a period of renewal around here.  It isn’t planned.  It is not welcome.  And it doesn’t appear to be letting up either.  The only people happy about it are the folks at the appliance store.

It started off innocently enough.  I think the first thing to quit was the kitchen clock.  In an age of everything digital we still have a big, old wall clock – numbers from 1 to 12 and the full complement of hour, minute, and second hands.  I know this is old fashioned, but it’s also comforting to know what time it is even when the power goes out.  Sometime earlier this year it started slacking on the job.  Some days it kept time, some days it couldn’t be bothered.  Changing its battery had no effect.  With nothing to lose I also took it apart and cleaned it as good as I could.  No dice: it was declared dead.

Not to worry: there was still the one in the office.  I could just switch it out.  But no, apparently they belonged to the same union and were both lobbying for early retirement.  I told them I could get replacement workers.  They said go ahead and try.

While contemplating my options I went to pour myself a cup of coffee.  From a pot that wasn’t that old and had worked just fine at breakfast time.  Nope.  Dead too. 

This was days before I was abandoning my farmer for two weeks to lolly-gag around the Adriatic Sea on a yacht.  It didn’t matter if this was another appliance job action, or not.  Coffee is not an optional part of his diet (or mine either, but I was pretty sure the yacht would have coffee).  Coffee is actual sustenance.  It is required to fire brain cells into action.  I went to town immediately and bought a new coffee maker.

And then I came home and washed one last load of laundry as I packed my suitcase only to discover a small puddle on the laundry room floor when it was time to move the clothes to the dryer. 

“No problem” I told myself.  “It’s only a small puddle.”  It’s not like Mr. Farmer was likely to do a whole bunch of laundry while I was away.  I would just deal with it when I got back.  That logic lasted an hour or two until I had to go to the basement for something for supper.  Whereas there had been a mere puddle upstairs, there was a lake in the room below.  How the water that had cascaded through the dryer vent hole and the drain tube hole hadn’t managed to short out the deep freezes and the water system pumps I don’t know, but I’m grateful.  Obviously, this very unwelcome development could have been even worse.

It was a wet harvest day so we took some togetherness time and dismantled the washing machine, found a toonie-sized hole in the pump, and pronounced that machine dead too.  He left for swathing, I did a quick tour of Circle M’s website and ordered a new one for delivery the week I would get back.  As I drove away I wondered if that was the end of things falling apart.  What would I come home to?

I don’t know if the toilet counts.

It had been giving us trouble for maybe six months or so, but it was while I was gone that it was out-with-the-old-and-in-with-new.  I came home to empty toilet packaging and a derelict washing machine on a trolley out on my deck.  Everyone knows that there is an acknowledged period of mourning for all redneck furniture and appliances, where said items ‘lie in state’ on a deck or front lawn until they are finally taken away.  I was glad to see that this process had already begun without me.

But, this disease of disfunction isn’t done with us yet.  Now my cooktop isn’t working.  It’s not the end of the world – it’s only the center ring of the large element, but wouldn’t you know it?  It’s my favorite element!  I use that one every single meal I cook.  The outer ring still works but the heat is not distributed evenly.  My favorite frying pan doesn’t fit on the smaller elements.  My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but he’s wrong about that.

I’m contemplating what my next move it and meanwhile I finally ordered a couple new clocks.  At least I will be able to see what time supper won’t be ready at.