BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

Nope.  Nope.  Nope.

I am not going outside into that craziness.

Oh, I admit that the pictures on Facebook are breath-takingly beautiful – the ice crystal haze, the fabulous sun dogs, the dazzling white snow contrast with the brilliant blue skies – incredible.  But, you know what?  I can see them on Facebook.  I don’t have to go out and freeze my nostrils shut for the pleasure of this gobsmacking scenery.  We have central heating, it would be a shame to waste it.

We always get a few days of crazy cold every winter, but this week is a bit over the top.  Not the temperatures so much – the 40-below-is-40-below Fahrenheit/Celsius conversation comes up on a regular basis, although the folks on the west coast don’t usually comprehend what we’re talking about.  And the comparing of our windchills in Southern Saskatchewan with those in Siberia, while not unheard of, is definitely not the norm. 

The image that tells the story best is the map of Canada shown on the Weather Channel; from sea to sea to sea, with very few exceptions, the entire country is painted in that ‘red for danger’ color.  This is an honour usually reserved for the middle of the country from the 49^th parallel right on up to Santa’s front doorstep.  Any provinces closer to oceans or further south normally get to dodge that bullet, but in January of 2024 we all get to bond in our universal Canadian identity.  We could all use a group hug for the warmth, but don’t stay in one place too long, we might freeze that way.

One would think that it’s a silent world out there.  There are no birds, not even tough old ravens squawking their dominance, and I haven’t heard a single coyote song in days.  If you go out, though, there will be noise.  Every step that you take in that super frozen snow will squeak.  I don’t know what the scientific explanation for it is, but the lower the temperature, the higher the pitch of the squeak.  It sounds very much like nails scratching across a blackboard, and is every bit as pleasant.

Not that I’ve ventured out (see my opening remarks), but I have occasionally opened the door for a dog who thinks he might want to go out.  Sometimes he actually does, and sometimes he reconsiders – “is this just boredom, or do I really have to pee?” 

It takes minus 40 degree weather to remind me that our deck door doesn’t quite seal at the top of the frame.  I know this because I get a light dusting of frost down my neck when I open the door – frozen condensation from escaping warm, moist air.  Another day or so of this and I imagine the door will just self heal and freeze shut.  The porch door cries out in a painful squeak of its own when opened.  I don’t understand the cause of this and am not about to diagnose it at 40 below.

Not everyone can hide out in the house though.  It came as no surprise this morning that the cattle waterer was frozen and that this job would have to be taken care of.  There’s been a lot of “Thank the oilfield workers/farmers/power company repairmen” posts these past few days, and okay, that’s nice, but it is their jobs.  I don’t make light of how important it is to feed the energy grid and keep it running or to care for livestock no matter the hardship, but all jobs have downsides.  There’s no need to be melodramatic.  All my farmer said when he reported the frozen waterer was “Guess that’s what I’m going to be doing today.”  It’s simple – it’s his job.  His only grumble was that of course it was Sunday so if he needed parts he was going to have to wait. 

The other interesting circumstance was Alberta’s request for their population to please cut back on their power consumption to avoid grid failure and the implied political inference that this was all Ottawa’s fault. 

This is just me, but the people were asked to cut power consumption AND they did.  AND it fixed the problem.  This philosophy could be taken so much further.  We, the consumers of power, need to seriously question our needs vs. our appetites for latest gadget coming down the pike.  A kitchen 50 years ago had one plugin per wall, today the code is one every three feet.  Yes, we need good heating in a well insulated house.  No, we don’t need every device under the sun.  The answer to so many of our problems come from the bottom up, not the top down.  But, I digress.

The weather app on my phone promises things are looking up.  It says that from here on in the temperatures will moderate. 

I appreciate that. 

I also have tickets to Mexico.  I will go outside there.

Yep.  Yep.  Yep.